40 Lawyer Jokes. Punch Lines ONLY.
My wife and I were talking to a friend of ours, Manny Oliveira, a professional comedian, and he dropped into conversation a punch line we all knew. He didn’t need to tell the joke because we recognized it immediately. We’ve all heard the lawyer jokes (although I previously mentioned that I don’t like law firms using them as a marketing campaign).
Here are just the punch lines from 40 lawyer jokes.
How many do you know? Most of them, I’ll bet…
- Not enough sand.
- His lips move.
- A good start.
- There are skid marks in front of the dog.
- A great one knows the judge.
- A rooster clucks defiance.
- An offer you can’t understand.
- New Jerseygot first pick.
- About three pounds, including the urn.
- Nobody else thinks they’re jokes
- There are some things a rat just won’t do.
- One is an ugly, scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and the other is a fish.
- A vampire only sucks blood at night.
- God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.
- Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new car.
- Who cares?
- My Rolex!
- Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?
- They’re all at the funeral.
- No, we came to make sure he was dead.
- I wanted a heart that hadn’t been used.
- Professional courtesy.
- Vultures can’t take their wing tips off.
- You can negotiate with terrorists.
- Their personalities.
- Cut the rope.
- The other’s a fish.
- A leech quits sucking your blood after you die.
- You cry when you cut up an onion.
- He gets taller.
- No one would build a robot to do nothing.
- The bucket.
- The prostitute quits after you’re dead.
- It might be your bicycle.
- Sure, after the police leave.
- The other decides to go straight.
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